I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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