I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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