He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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