You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
