she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize