Im at strip club and am horny
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
