we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
