Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
