but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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