Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
