I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize