He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
