Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
