I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize