sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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