pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
