chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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