if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
