He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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