What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
