She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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