i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
