would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
