hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
