I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
