when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
