Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
