Already got asked if we're dating
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize