Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize