and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
