He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
