I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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