Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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