im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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