Please, let me fuck your mom
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
