Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
