Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
