I want to make a zoo with you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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