Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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