is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
