It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
