I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
