sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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