I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
