ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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