would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
