im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
