his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A bitchslap is in order.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize