get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
