SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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