break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
