I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize