sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
