so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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