i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
