i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
