I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
