He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
