Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
