Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
