i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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