ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize