when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
