Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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