I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
