How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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