I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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