The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and she was petting her beer can
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
