So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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