Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
