I'm so fucking centered right now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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