I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
