so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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