Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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