Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
