false alarm. still invincible.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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