Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need moral support for this bender
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
we should paint friendship bongs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
