Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it was like eating out sand paper
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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